Alright, no one has actually asked me any questions about my travels. But, I’d like to imagine, that, if they had, these are the questions I would be getting flooded with.
- Why do you call your van The EM-50 Phantom Rambler?
Answer: Great question!
There are three parts to the name. The first answer is the third part – Rambler.
While I was sorting through many different choices, my wife Trixie, kept insisting she liked the way “Rambler” sounded and that whatever I go with it should include “Rambler”.
I argued that it was me that was doing the rambling, not the van, and that a form of the word was already included in the name of my blog. She agreed that I had a point but still made me do it anyway.
The second answer is the first part – EM-50. I love this. In fact, I was just gonna name my 1993 Ford E-150 “The EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle” after that bitchin RV Bill Murray and Harold Ramis drove in “Stripes”.
Trixie pointed out that if I traveled around the country writing about my adventures in something called an “Urban Assault Vehicle” I wouldn’t make it to the state line. The media would label my humor scribblings a “manifesto” and a S.W.A.T. team would shoot me as I backed out of my own driveway. I conceded that these are touchy times and dropped the “Urban Assault” part.
Third answer is the second part. I wanted it to sound cool. You know, mysterious and real boss.
When Mikayla Dodge blurted out “Phantom Rambler” something clicked. It took me a while to remember what, but a story that has always inspired me.
Many years ago, when I was discharged from the service, I had a family to support. I needed a job. Any job. I went to see my Uncle Stephen Lieb. He was the hiring man at some carpet manufacturer in what some (me) would call “the ghetto” of Landover,MD. He was also one of the funniest people I have ever known.
The plant had a very high turnover rate. It kept him hopping. Every day, prospective employees would stand in line to be processed for hiring. Part of this entailed getting their picture taken, by him, with an ancient camera. It was one of the first model Polaroid cameras ever made. They didn’t even make film for it anymore. But, years before the owner of the factory got a deal on a truckload of film and he wouldn’t buy a new camera until the film was used up.
My uncle’s latest challenge was that, the film being so old, it had developed a defect in the form of a two thick white squiggles that would run the length of each photograph. He had to try to frame the shot so that the person’s mug was between the squiggles. Sometimes it took him a couple of tries.
I watched things unfold as the line slowly progressed. Finally, when there was only one fellow ahead of me, the film developed a new issue. Now, ONE really thick squiggle ran the length of every pic he took. Right down the middle.
He tried several shots. The squiggle got thicker each time and always ran through the fellow’s forehead, nose, and chin.
After, maybe 10 shots, the new hire got a bit nervous. He needed the job. He asked,
“What happens if you can’t take a picture of me?”
Steve replied in a classic deadpan, “I will have to let you go. We don’t hire phantoms.”
Not getting the joke, the fellow panicked a little. “Aww, man. No.”
Steve replied, again in a deadpan and not letting up, “I’m sorry. It’s policy. You understand.”
I was on the floor. Hilarious. And, it taught me a wonderful lesson that I try to carry with me. My uncle was surrounded by people who did not, and would not ever GET his jokes. He had no audience to play to, but he didn’t let it slow his wit. He made the jokes anyway – to amuse himself.
I loved that about him. And, I try to carry that on. I included Phantom to remind me to do that.
2. Why do they even still make cars with alarms that blow the horn repeatedly when someone pushes a wrong button?
Answer: I do not know. But one is going off now and I can’t think. I will stop writing now because of that.