One of those things that is always funny until it happens to you is waking up in Louisiana. I woke up in Louisiana this morning.

I was in Mississippi,  crossed the mighty river of the same name and BOOM! Arkansas-ed! I have a friend in Arkansas. Somewhere. But, I only clipped the southeast corner and 8 miles later I was in the bayou. Actually, the whole delta region is comprised of bayous. I think. I’m not really sure what a bayou is. (I’m not really sure where the Delta is. I assume I am in it because everything in the tristate area is named Delta Self-Storage and such). Things that are labeled “bayou” look an awful lot like creeks to me. And, one thing is for sure, Roy Orbison was full of shit, ‘cuz, sure as hell ain’t none of them blue. Not even close.

I wanted to make my crossing of the Mississippi grandiose in some way. Like Lewis & Clark…or Julius Caesar crossing the Rubicon or something. But, to be honest, it reared up out of nowhere and caught me by surprise. Before I knew it, I was skipping like a 45 mph stone across the sumbitch. Thinking lightningly fast  (one of my strong suits) I began singing as much as I could remember of “Old Man River” in the best basso profundo that I could muster.

All in all, I’m satisfied with it.

Louisiana is low and swampy and humid and the morning fog on my windshield is thicker than the glass (pic related)

And, that’s ok. That’s what I wanted. It’s the people that have me a bit down. They’re fine, though, really. It’s just that they aren’t…quirky and colorful and full of bayou wisdom. Sure, they eat a lot of catfish, but otherwise they are pretty much like the extras in TV shows.

My dread is becoming reality. We have been homogenized by telecommunications and corporate franchises. Which should be a good thing. Instead it is just a tool for social engineering. We are being divided into groups – groups that are all alike.

While waiting for my windshield to defog, I got to thinking about world peace. I decided I am against it.

I’m not against it because I want war and other forms of irrational hatred. I am against it because everybody who is for it, is for it only on their terms. They want everyone else to conform to their standard of right and wrong, to their religion, to their political affilliation, to their sense of humor, to their definition of what it means to be a real man, a real woman, a real marriage or a real human being. And, they are willing to fight and kill to achieve this Utopia. A Utopia in which we are all similar. We are the Borg Collective. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for hatred. It is one of our fundamental freedoms. If you want to hate, hate, I guess. I don’t want to stop you. Hell, you may even be right. And, unless I let you hate, how will we ever know. Enjoy your ways. Just quit demanding that everyone else conform to them. In fact, I demand you agree with me. But World Peace? Put me down as a NAY. One opposed.

But, the Delta region isn’t all deep brooding. There is still some roadside whimsey.

Last night, feeling a bit shortchanged by Arkansas, I drove back north to Crosset – Forestry Capital of the World. Seriously. I did not know that. I also did not know that Arkansas bills itself as The Natural State. Adding to my list of things I do not know. I do not know what the hell they mean by that.

Crosset has, for the last 80 years (about the time of the invention of the automobile headlight) enjoyed a phenomenon called “The Crosset Spook Lights”. Spectral floating orbs of light that are said to resemble automobile headlights in the undefined distance. WoOOoooOOo!

It was too overcast and foggy. I didn’t see any.

However, and hear me out on this, I THINK I spotted a UFO while waiting for the sun to go down (pic related).

It’s tough to say for sure because it wasn’t actually FLYING at the time.

My favorite alien life form is still Trixie.