I saw the new James Bond movie last night. It was awful.  As with most things, I blame women.

Women didn’t ruin the movie, per se – men did. Probably. I can’t be bothered to delve deeply enough to find out who is to blame exactly,  so once again, women have to take one for the team.

James Bond movies used to be the exploits of a man’s man running around shooting bad guys and seducing gorgeous women who could not help but succumb to his charms. That and being Batman is every guy’s dream.

Now when he goes to bed with them it is because they pretty much ordered him to and he is left a simpering lovesick chump with real feelings. It’s tough to watch.

And, killing bad guys? Forget it. Now he shows mercy. MERCY! For crying out loud!

The movies are supposed to be an escape…hell, the theater in Charleston, WV that I went to last night is called, “The Great Escape”!

I don’t go to see some brooding nancyboy questioning his life’s work and doing what he has been tricked into believing is the right thing – I get that all around me all the time.

The problem with the movies is the same as the problem with everything else anymore – women. No offense.

You see, there is a lot of power and influence that comes with the voice of authority that any industry that large gets to speak with. So, no longer do talented or brilliant  people rise to the top – this kind of power brings out the sociopaths. They crush the talented good people by crossing all lines and stooping to any level.

It is true in entertainment, sports, news, charities…everything. it is all run by people with no conscience because it is all just business.

Not content to be rich fatcats, they strive for more. Enough is not enough. If there is more to gain, they want to rake that in as well.

Let’s take football, for instance. No one in the NFL front office was going hungry. And, it was no longer enough to stand toe-to-toe with God for ownership of Sunday, their experts determined that women weren’t watching the games. Instead they were off shopping, or playing bingo or gardening or…I don’t really know what it is women do when the game is on….that’s not the point. The point is, it was not enough for men to be mindless zombies, they needed women to be as well. So they started doing things to attract female viewers.

The problem is, just like in the movies and real life, NOBODY, not even women, know what the hell is going on in the mind of a female. And the next the you know they have the players wearing pink cleats in the hopes that will do it. What the hell?

Violence is ugly, but the ones who pull the strings have somehow convinced men that they should be entertained by watching women in the MMA. Who wants to watch that? Ask yourself how you got led down that path then do sone serious introspection about how the media is manipulating your mind and made you the suckers that you are.

Hell, they have even convinced women that they should be allowed in combat. Trust me, you dont. As a former infantryman, let me let you in on the reason women aren’t allowed on the battlefield. It isn’t that you aren’t capable of squeezing a trigger; it is that men do not act right when women are around. We will get everyone killed when we start playing the White Knight in front of y’all.

But can I really blame women for ruining James Bond? Yes. Yes I can.

You see, men, just like sociopaths, have no idea what it is that women want, so we guess and hope for the best. All we know is what we want and most of the time the answer is: women. But, how to get them?  So we ask them out on dates. True, we would just like to have sex and maybe have them make us a sandwich. However, through trial and error we have found out the direct approach almost never works so we came up with the concept of courting. Going out on dates so they will have sex with us and make us a sandwich.

We have no idea what to do on dates. We don’t really want to hang out with women in a social setting. We have to dress in real clothes and not cuss or burp or fart or let our eyes stray to appreciate the view of other passing females, let alone refraining from commentary. We don’t have that kind of self-control.

Out of ideas, we take them to the movies. At least we can sit in the dark and be quiet for a couple of hours to ensure we don’t say something wrong. And, naturally, we let the girl select the movie. And, therein lies the problem. Women never want to see James Bond running around shooting bad guys and seducing chicks. Weird, right?

This was ok when Albert Broccoli was running things over at Pinewood Studios. He was making all the money. But, he died or retired or whatever, and now a bunch of people have to split the profits. Each one of them wants to make as much as Cubby Broccoli did. The only way to do this is to get women to start selecting 007 movies on date night. The only way to do that is to ruin the franchise. Incidentally, this is the same reason Chic-Fil-A will suck within a year. The visionary died.  Cost-cutting will come in to boost the now split profits.

I may be all over the map on this one, but, deep down, you know I’m right.

Now that I think about it, I’ll bet I would have enjoyed the movie more if Trixie had gone with me.