You know how people are always saying,  “They can put a man on the moon,  why can’t they cure the common cold?”

And, have you noticed that the last time you met somebody who copped to having a simple common cold was about the last time they put a man on the moon?

Coincidence?  Please.

Everybody claims to have the flu,  or “flu-like symptoms” or strep or they say they “feel like shit.” But,  no one gets a cold anymore.

I woke with a cold this morning,  so I’ve been giving it some thought.  Being on the road I am free of normal distractions like work,  TV, radio,  household chores,  hot food,  clean drinking water,  bathroom privacy and anything to actually do all day, so I am able to really devote my thoughts to it. Here is what I came up with:

I considered the notion that the medical lobby and Big Pharma had conspired to create a world in which we believe doctors know what is going on instead of just Googling our symptoms in the back room.  And, we are required to go to them for all ailments.  Nothing is ever allowed to just run its course anymore because we have to have a doctor’s note to get paid for being sick. And, if we go to the doc and he tells us we have a common cold, we will respond, “They can put a man on the moon…”

Soon we would realize that it is silly to go to a doctor if they, admittedly, can’t cure us. So, the entire medical community, as one, have started pretending the common cold does not exist just to keep the whole system from falling apart.

But, I never go with my first idea, so I dismissed this one.

I then considered that it is not a common cold that I have but something much, much worse that is merely in the beginning stages. Those beginning stages resemble a common cold from the old days.

I dismissed this for being too unpleasant to warrant further consideration.

Next,  I thought about Trixie and how in the days leading up to Memphis she was probably heart-sick from missing me and, thus, her resistance was low.  She contracted a common cold, then infected me during the goodbye kiss.

Yes.  Something about this had the “ring of truth”, as my father would say.

It is not completely accurate because we know common colds only exist in the marketing department of OTC remedies so they can add another symptom and ailment that their magic elixir treats.

But, that part about it being Trixie’s fault was definitely  making more sense the more I thought about it.

In the end,  I went with the only logical answer:

My wife is a Harpy,who,  during our goodbye kiss at the airport,  tried to suck the life force out of me.  And,  it would have worked, too, but clean living and a pure heart have given me extra defense.  So, instead of shriveling up and returning to the dust from whence I came,  I merely developed cold-like symptoms and am a bit cranky.

Even still, I’m over the moon for her.