I have an incredibly slow metabolism,  as is evidenced by the fact that is has taken my body three full days to process that first hike and coat every square inch of my musculature in lactic acid. My whole body burns with the same intensity of that fiery glare you shoot a stranger who asks, “Excuse me, do you work here?” while you are shopping at Target.

It’s your fault for wearing that red shirt.

Because of the pain and stiffness, I selected the kiddie trail to hike today.  It is handicapped-accessible.  No sense in trying to overdo it (pic related)

Sure, it is only a mile long (I did some rounding) but has provided me with my most entertaining moment of the trip thus far — I scared the living shit out of a chipmunk!  Laugh? I thought I’d DIE!

He came darting out of a hollowed-out log onto the trail right in front of me. The reaction was priceless! I’m talking two foot vertical leap accompanied by a high-pitch squealing noise while simultaneously every muscle went rigid. Hilarious!

The chipmunk’s reaction, on the other hand, was to turn around and dart back into the log. But the look on his face! Ha! Once my heart started beating again I laughed my ass off at his expense.

My wife, Trixie, gives an entirely different meaning to the term, “wild life”